It's Not The Onion, but The Peanut Butter

Americans can be strange:

Henrico Police arrested 68-year-old Newton L. Baldwin Sunday night after they say he assaulted his grandchildren after a peanut butter prank. Baldwin is charged with four counts of assault and one count of drunk in public. Police say around noon on February 12, they were called to Baldwin's home along the 3500 block of Whitlock Avenue to investigate domestic assaults. Police say Baldwin, who was intoxicated, was asleep when his three grandchildren decided to pull a prank on him by putting peanut butter on his mouth. Police say when Baldwin awoke he became extremely angry and assaulted his grandchildren, ages 7, 9 and 13. He is also accused of assaulting his wife.